When No Means Yes

Wilmer Valderrama was one guy that I really really liked. We meshed really well, he was very handsome, very polished, a delightfully good kisser, spoke Italian sweet nothing in my ears, we communicated very well, and we had a lot of common interests. We flirted a lot for the first six months or so that we knew each other, and then one early December night we were alone, standing in a courtyard with Christmas lights all around and soft music playing... he held my cold hands, and he kissed me. I was smitten. Smote. Done for. We filled the next two months with each other and not a whole lot else. We did a lot and talked a lot and I thought things were going really well. Then one day he told me that he was coming over that night and wants to talk to me. Ok, no prob, what could go wrong... right? He came over a little later, bearing a chocolate bundt cake. Myself and my roomies liked different toppings on cake so he had divided the toppings into three sections. One third had chocolate drizzled over it, another had powdered sugar, and the last had coconut. Wow, how sweet! ... How thoughtful! ...How ...culinary! We fawned over it gratefully and Wilmer lapped it up. I was all too pleased that he was mine! I happily got in the car and we went for a drive. We stopped on a long empty street lined with trees on both sides. I asked him what he wanted to talk about and he started to tell me that he felt I didn't 'give' in the relationship. Now, up until this very moment I had never in my life even considered that I should 'give' in a relationship! I had been in relationships before, and nobody had ever mentioned that I was doing it wrong by not giving! I had been quite content to expect everything, and give nothing! I told him that I didn't think I was giving less than him, and he mentioned that last week, when he was sick, I didn't do anything for him.
What? Of course I did! I came over didn't I? I think I even brought a candy bar to make him feel better! How was that not giving?
Well, a candy bar wasn't very thoughtful. Soup would have been acceptable. Soup would have been thoughtful.
Soup? What, like go buy a can of soup and bring it over? I don't even like soup, why would I want to subject him to it? I told him that to buy a can of soup would not even taste good, and he suggested that I make it then... not from a can!
Well! I knew then I was toast because I have no clue how to Make soup! Who even Does that? For that matter, I couldn't make a cake without a box either, as my mom's recipe book had been destroyed in a pancake incident, and he would just have to accept that as part of me! Well, Wilmer was not relenting so I asked him flat out if he was trying to break up with me. "No, no, no, I'm just saying I would like you to be more thoughtful and giving" Oh, ok then. I'll try. Is that all? We didn't have to drive somewhere for that! ...No, that wasn't all. Apparently our relationship was moving too fast for him. Hey now, I'm not the one who brought up wedding bells a month ago! And it's not like I was going to tell him how I felt first! I know better than that! Hmmmm, maybe he could see it through everything I wasn't saying.... hmm, the whole actions louder than words and whatnot.... so I backpedaled, hard! He didn't buy it. Again, I asked him if he was breaking up with me. He said "No, I just think we need to slow it down, maybe not spend quite so much time together" That sounds like a break up! No, he reassured me that he was absolutely not breaking up with me. We came back to my house and as we were walking up to the door I asked him again, "So, you are not breaking up with me?" No, he replied with a reassuring hug. The next day I decided I'd do something sweet and thoughtful so I wrote him a sweet note, scented it with his favorite perfume, and left it on his car while he was at school. A few hours later he got it and came over. We were sitting in my room and he was saying how with my red hair, and him being Latino, that we were like Ricky Ricardo and Lucille Ball, and that it'd be fun to have that as our wedding theme, with I Love Lucy napkins and such. I brought up some ideas I'd come up with for us to do on Valentine's Day in three weeks and he thought they were great ideas! He left that night with both of us happy. The next day when I got home from work I called Wilmer and was about to ask him about the specifics of when I should make our Valentine's reservations when he cut me off mid-sentence and said, "I don't think you Understand, we're Over, we're not going Anywhere for Valentine's Day." What??? We're over? But...why? "I told you the other night in the car, we are moving too fast and you don't give enough" ... ... ... "I'll see ya around, and call me if you need anything" -click- Wow.... ok... wow... so...... hmmm... exactly how did all of that mean 'we are over'? Did I miss something? Come to find out he later spoke of me as the crazy girl that didn't get it. Well, I dunno about the crazy part, but I still don't get it.