I Almost Married Him

Remember that time I got engaged? Yeah, I forget about it a lot too, actually. That's probably why you've never heard the story. It was summer when we met. Specifically, it was July 5th. I was at a barbecue in LA when this handsome guy sat down next to me and started chatting me up. There was something about the way he moved his mouth that makes me have no idea what on Earth he actually said to me. I do remember that I was eating a hot dog, and was very self conscious about it. I remember that he was very focused on talking with me. I remember that he asked me for my number. I told him I lived in Arizona, and he said that was just fine... so I gave him my number. I was pretty sure I was never going to hear from him when I went home the next morning. July 9th was one of my bestie's birthday, and she was having a party at this fancy shmancy house nearby. There was a tube slide from the roof into the pool, and the long pool ended in a white sand beach. The staircase inside was straight out of a movie. The garage had twenty amazing cars, stacked one on top of the other, and the guys and I had a blast ogling those and the motorcycles for a while. My dad is a car guy, and I am his daughter. Right about the time I was drooling over Eleanor, my phone rang. It was Matthew Fox. I was surprised, to say the least! We chatted awhile, and in the course of it, I told him of my surroundings. He said, "I wish I was there." I said, "Well then... come over!" He obviously wasn't expecting to hear that, and said, "But I live in LA". My reply was a test, of sorts. I said, "Come onnnnn.... Be Spontaneous!" He paused for just a moment, and said he'd drive out in about an hour. I smiled. Handsome, and does what I want, just for asking." This was going to be a good thing. Hours later he showed up on my doorstep with a friend of his that I'd actually met previously. We spent the next day together and they drove out in less than 24 hours. July 13th, three days later, he and I had spoken a few more times, and he said he wanted to talk to me about something. Sure. He said he felt like it would be a good idea if we got married! I thought he must be joking! Of course he was joking, right? No. He was very serious. He asked when I would want to get married and I said I'd like to get married in June... because of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers. In that movie it's said that if you marry in June you'll be a bride all your life. I said that and he reiterated that he was serious. I said I was too, and then he reasoned that it was a good idea, we'd know each other 11 months before getting married! Well. Uhhhh. Ok...... He asked what kind of ring I'd like. I said 3 carats. He said ok. Huh. Ummmm. Ok...... He said some more things and asked a few more questions and all the while I was thinking, "What on Earth am I doing?!? I can't Marry him! I don't even Know him!!!" I'd already refused two proposals from men I'd known Quite longer! This is Crazy!!! How would that even work?" Well, next thing I knew, I'd agreed to marry a handsome stranger. Sounds like a Disney movie? Yeah, I'm sure that was in there somewhere too. Over the next 6 months we spoke almost constantly. We made wedding plans, I adored my sparkly rock. He called me every morning with a sweet, "Good morning Beautiful!" and we talked until I had to get going. He called every day when I got off work. My friends soon got tired of me talking to them and him on, the phone, at the same time. My phone bill skyrocketed to over $400 that first month. He made trips out to Arizona, I made trips out to Santa Clarita. It was perfect. Wait... no it wasn't. Over the phone it was. I answered everything right for him, and he answered everything right for me. There was absolute open, honest communication. We learned everything about each other, and there were no red flags, no deal breakers. We worked together to strengthen our relationship. Oh, funny thing, his last name... Fox. So, I asked him if he was related to a prominent person in our religion with that last name. He said that no, that was a different family... but he was related to the governor of a state. Oh. How boring. Fast forward a few years until that governor ran for President of the United States. It was weird watching him on tv. They are obviously related. Anyway, so it was perfect... but not. I started to discover that he really annoyed me in person. He couldn't take a joke, he couldn't dance. He didn't mesh seamlessly with my friends, and kind of hung back in social situations. He moved like he was insecure or nervous all the time, and though he was definitely one of the most handsome men I've dated, he never got past the awkwardness in person. Oh, and he threw a tantrum... that's attractive in a grown man. Not. Anyway, he also had this thing where he was strangely aware of designer jeans. He always said I needed to get some and that 7 For All Mankind (7's) were the best. Later that became a red flag when others would speak highly of their Diesels. Hahaha. Come on guys, I wanna be the girl in the relationship!! The breaking point came just after Thanksgiving. There was a party at a ranch one night. There is a big, open area outside that was being used as the dance floor, and if you wandered out and about, you might find your shoe in some sort of horse or cow... um, excrement. Well, that's what happened to Matthew. He stepped in something, complained to me profusely, and apparently I didn't give the response he expected. Now, at the time, I was the most shallow and girly I've ever been in my life. I cared about sparkly things, and matching my shoes to my belt to my purse. That sort of girl. Even so, at the time, I would have hollered about it to anyone who was within earshot, got a few laughs, kicked it off my shoe, and continued with my night. I figured Matthew was doing that. Some time later, I realized he had been gone a while and after much searching, I found him in the car, with his arms folded across the steering wheel, and his forehead on his arms. I have nothing but disdain for that level of sissy (in the nicest way possible). I told him to come out, that he was making a bad impression, and he half cried that his shoes were in the Trunk!! Hahaha. Ok, let me get them for you. They Stink!! Ok... then stay here. I'll be back in twenty when I'm ready to go. It happened that he was driving out early the next day, and honestly, I was so ready for him to go. After he'd gone, one of my best guy friends came over. We had dated a while earlier, but he had something going on that really scared me when it came to the thought of 'our' future. We were absolutely wonderful friends though. He was a particularly manly man. He was big and strong, worked with his hands, had the kind of fun that made him go mostly blind in one eye, and was working the MMA circuit. I told him about what had happened and he said fifteen words that will forever be etched in my mind. I can hear them as I type them, "You don't want your daughters to learn to be prissy from their father, do you?" I laughed, he laughed, and the light bulb shone brightly. Of Course Not!!! In that instant, all the handsome, smart, rich, connected... everything, melted away and I was Absolutely Done with him. I went out with someone else that night. Someone else that also has a rather funny story here as well :)

Basketball Diaries

When I was in the 4th and 5th grades I was into books more than boys. That's normal right? I was on a quest to read every Nancy Drew book written, and I eventually did, and started on The Hardy Boys series. My best friend Adrianne and I used to pull out our books the instant we sat down in the school lunchroom. We didn't talk to each other all through lunch most days, and were most commonly seen after lunch heading out to the playground side by side, with our noses in our books, using our peripheral vision as well as the automaticity of walking the same steps everyday to get there. We were too consumed by our books to care about anything else going on around us. We would head out to the far end of the playground where there was a little pine tree that gave just enough shade to cover two young bookworms, and stay there until the whistle blew, forcing us to finish  the page before we got
back to the building. There were days that we talked, and days that we played, but mostly, we read. It was perfect, two awkward preteens that could finish a book and trade midweek, not having to make another trip
to the library.

There was only one thing that consistently tore us away from our books... my pursuit of Leo. I had decided years earlier that I was going to marry him. I had decided I was going to marry someone that went to my church, so I stood up in front of the pew my siblings were sitting on, stuck out my finger and spun around a few times.When I finished, I was pointing at the biggest nerd in my grade. Well... I definitely wasn't going to marry him (though he later turned out to be a really great guy, I found). I spun again and my finger was pointing right at Leo. Perfect! He was my age, he was a cute kid, and we were destined to be together!! There was only the minuscule problem that he hated me. Well, looking back, I'm not sure he actually hated me, but there were signs of it. Once he made fun of my red hair, and then that I was short, and then that my skin was so pink. I'm sure he didn't know what blushing was at the time. Another time I got a bloody nose and he acted like it was a very catching deadly disease. This was before any blood borne diseases would have been known to a 6 year-old. His mom watched us after school one day, and he played with my brown-haired brother and sister, but I may as well have not been there. There are many times he treated me with disdain, or with outright cruelty, but I was steadfast and true in my love for him, sure that it was only a matter of time before he would fall in love with me. I admired the way he played basketball, the way he had so many friends, and more than anything else, his talent for drawing.

The 6 year old turned into a 9 year old, and my infatuation was still very much intact. We were never in the same class at school, but once his teacher brought him to our class to show off a picture he'd drawn. I melted. I was just discovering my own drawing talents and was sure this was a sign. I looked at Adrianne and she knew just what I was thinking. We concocted a plan to make him see that I was his one and only someone. Books went inside our desks for a few weeks as we saved up lunch treats, a few coins here or there, and won contests... all to secure a full set of basketball cards. He was always playing basketball, so we knew that to get a complete set of the basketball cards everyone seemed to have only pieces of, would definitely get his attention. We saved and traded until we had them all, and then wrapped them in a red ribbon and put a little note with it. I don't remember now exactly what our plan was to get them to him, but I think it was the recess after lunch that we had someone else give them to him, and had them say it was from me, or something to that effect. Adrianne and I were so excited that I was finally going to be with my true love, and we waited anxiously for news. None came. The bell finally rang and as we came over to the basketball court to be sure he had even gotten them, we saw them. Well, we saw the red ribbon, and we saw lots and lots of pieces of basketball cards blowing across the ground. I was heartbroken. My poor little heart, torn to shreds and blowing across the playground. That was my first taste of rejection. My advice to you is this, young girls, don't choose the man you're going to marry before he loves you... and don't buy him basketball cards until he's already yours. Major waste of time and effort. All these years later, I remember the valuable lesson he taught me on that basketball court.

This can be applied to the not as young girls too ;)

Fat Oreo Girlfriend

So, Adam Lambert did something that was super sweet the other day when he took me to the airport. Well, first of all, I should start by saying... despite all the style things he does that are completely foreign to me... I'm starting to really like him. I know, I know, totally not the usual guy I go for... but I mean really... How was that working out for me? lol... yeah, still single. Anyway, so before we went to the airport I met his daughter... and not on purpose, his ex-wife. K, I gotta tell the story because it was so funny... then I'll get to what he did. So, a couple weeks ago I called him on my lunch break and she was there. He has been careful not to talk to girls around her because she's got some mental issues that would be aggravated by it. Anyway, I was eating an Oreo, and he was saying that it's not very healthy, in the course of our conversation. When he got off, she got all kinds of quiet and made reference to his "fat oreo girlfriend". That made him laugh which made her more mad. So, anyway, she made some more references to it in the weeks that followed. So, this particular day, when we went to see the baby and she was there, I was completely prepared to be sociable and cordial. She was very rude to him and didn't make any indication that she was aware of my presence... which was really perfectly fine by me... I wasn't having the best hair day so her not looking at me was a good thing. Well, that's not entirely true. She pretended like she was looking for something in her long puffy jacket and so unzipped it for about 4 seconds and turned toward me, just long enough to show off the fact that she has a cute figure. The funny thing about that is there could be no way there was anything in her jacket because she was wearing a long tight shirt with leggings! I couldn't help but chuckle, but she didn't seem to notice. She left, and it was Sooooo precious to see how daddy and daughter interacted. He took out his guitar and played a chord. Her attention went to him and her face lit up! He played another, and she smiled again and went over to him. He gave her the pick and she played facing him for a moment then turning around and he put her between himself and the guitar, where she resumed strumming as he played chords. They so obviously adore each other! She warmed up to me when I gave her a little present, but it wasn't long before we had to drop her off. So, during this little visit, Adam had text his ex, "Sorry for the awkwardness" and her reply was that he "could do better than a redhead". ...Yeahhhh, not offended, lol. Anyway, so when we got to her place she had on this matching work out outfit, black sports bra, shorts, headband, gloves, socks, and shoes, and her hair was up... and it was quite obvious she hadn't done even one crunch or one lunge in the last hour and a half. She ignored me again, but I had to laugh again because she had shoved her fake tatas as far up as they could possibly go... I just thought to myself... yeah... THAT takes Effort to get them up that high! hahaha. Anyway, I was not impressed by her show of feigned athleticism, and we left, laughing all the way. Anyway, so on the way to the airport he introduced me to some new bands and was surprised I knew others. I told him, I haven't listened to country music until just a few years ago! Anyway, to the cute part. When we got there he helped me with my bags and thank you and goodbyes were said. I gave him a hug, just a quick friendly hug... and I got stuck there. I felt kinda dumb for not letting go, but I couldn't bring myself to. He released himself from my grip and we talked for another few minutes before I grabbed my bags and headed inside (my flight was leaving in ten minutes!). I couldn't help but look back as I walked away, it was one of those perfect moments in life. He looked back at me and we smiled. I looked back twice more and each time he had moved so that he could still see me as I walked away. I walked through the airport on my way to security and a moment later I passed a large window door and there he was, in his car creeping slowly and watching me as I walked by. I waved, he waved back, and then was out of view. I came to the next sliding doors and he was there again, creeping as fast as I was walking. I laughed, and waved, and he did too. There were four doors he met me at, and each one made me more happy, and flustered, and I think more twitterpated, than the last. After that last one I hurried quickly through security and They were waiting for me at the gate as I tried uselessly to run those cute heels. Then I got a text... I will miss you tiny. I knew it, those actions were louder than any words.